How I Learned to Follow God When All I Wanted Was Sleep!

My husband, Cory, and I finally did what we'd been putting off for nearly 14 months.

We taught our toddler to self-soothe.

With our 4-year-old safely at Grandma's house to protect her ears and our sanity, we made a game plan.

I would sleep in our daughter's room while Cory slept in our room with the baby in her crib. If she cried, Cory would give her a little while to see if she settled, and then, if needed, he would rock her to sleep and put her back to bed. I was to stay out of it with few exceptions.

Night came. Baby went to bed. Cory and I enjoyed some rare adult conversation, kissed goodnight, and parted ways to our temporary sleeping arrangements.

Sweet sleep was just about to whisk me away when the heart-breaking cries began.

My hopes of a miracle happening were quickly swept away and I lay there wondering how long it would take Cory to get out of bed to pick up our little ball of snot and tears.

I waited...and waited...and waited.

What was going wrong? Could he seriously be sleeping through her cries? Maybe he misunderstood and thought we were letting her cry it out when we were just supposed to get her through the night without nursing.

Lord, grant me wisdom!

I prayed as I sat in the other room trying not to run through the walls like the Kool-Aid man to get to my distraught daughter.

After I prayed, I waited 2.5 seconds, then ran into the room to check on my precious little screamer.

"What are you doing?"

Cory asked as I picked our daughter up without thinking. Word vomit spewed from my mouth as I verbalized every excuse and apology my sleep-deprived brain could think of.

I carried my, suddenly calm, child to the rocking chair and nursed her then rocked her back to sleep before taking her back to her crib. She woke and cried for a while but eventually soothed herself back to sleep with occasional reassurances from Cory and me.

It had only been 10 minutes.

When I went in to get our daughter, Cory informed me that she had only been crying for 10 minutes and that he had been watching the clock. I hadn't thought to check the clock, but my heart had said that she'd been crying FOREVER and that my husband had no heart.

As I snuggled back into my temporary home in my daughter's rock-hard twin bed, I was haunted by the thought that I had failed Cory. Cory, my husband and protector, had stepped up to protect my sleep from the adorable little sleep stealer and I had failed to let him.

The one person I trust most in this world and I hadn't trusted him to care for our daughter, his daughter. He had planned to wait a maximum of 20 minutes before picking her up and soothing her. He wasn't heartless, he was using wisdom to help our daughter gain the skills it takes to sleep well through the night.

He had a plan that I didn't see, and in my distrust, I messed it all up.

When I woke up the next morning, I texted him my apology while he was still sleeping. This felt big, like I had epically failed our marriage and the trust that it was built upon.

But something else bothered me more...

I had been in the other room unable to see or hear the man whom I trust most and without his direct reassurances, I overruled our earlier agreement, stepped in, and handled things in my own way.

How often do I step in front of God's plans?

How often do I jump in front of God and His plans when I do not see what He is doing or don't hear his voice (often because I'm not listening)?

I was ashamed as example after example came to mind of times I had stepped in front of God and tried to strong-arm the results that I wanted rather than wait on His time and His plan.

I was even more embarrassed when I thought of all the closed doors, awkward conversations, and failed attempts that followed my pigheaded insistence that my plans were better than God's.

Cory wasn't mad.

I'm happy to report that Cory woke with a smile the next morning and I had blown his frustration WAY out of proportion in my mind. But, even in this seemingly unimportant moment, I think God had a plan to show me why my wheels seem to have been spinning lately.

As I've striven to serve God in a way I've felt Him call, I have seen very little movement.

I wasn't letting Him lead as we had agreed.

When I embarked on my walk with God, even more so when I embarked on using my gifts to serve Him, I agreed to let Him lead.

We had a plan just like Cory and I had a plan. But I broke the agreement and wasn't allowing God to lead.

God used a crying baby and my pigheadedness to show me that I'd been walking down the wrong path.

In His goodness, He brought me back to the right path. Will I stay here?

I'm sure going to try!

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)